I heard this great line at a workshop with American grief expert and psychologist, Dr Robert Neimeyer yesterday (more on this in another post). Men, listen up! This is something we are often rubbish at. (Although more and more these days in some relationships it’s the career woman!) Too often us blokes step in to try and fix what others (partners, children, parents, workmates) are telling us about, instead of just ‘being’ with the person as they tell us their story.

We often grossly under-value the power of just being present and bearing witness to people as they tell their story. Even as a trained psychotherapist, where this is drummed into you, it took me many years to fully appreciate how powerful it often is just to listen actively to people. Usually, if there is a simple solution, the other person would have thought of it. Your quick solutions can leave them feeling unempathised with at best, or, at worst, that you just want to get them off the subject because you don’t like the discomfort of it.

If we ‘do something’ what should it look like?

Even if you can see a way forward for your partner, child or whoever, it is much more powerful to ask them questions that help them come to this realisation. We don’t look as clever, but then who do we most want to help? The person we care about, or our flagging ego …