The attached pdf is not really going to make much sense alone. I post this for people to use as an aid de memoir after we have worked through this at some length in therapy. In essence, it outlines the two paths that couples can go down.  The top row (The Conflict) is inevitable for all couples and results in some degree of separation and, thereby, safety – which is why some people will actually pick a fight with their partner – and results in the relationship taking steps backwards. The second row (The Management) is what many people avoid, but is necessary to growing a relationship and increasing intimacy as couples slowly work through what causes their conflict – this is how conflict becomes the pathway to greater intimacy: Here it is: Conflict Management Handout.